Monday, November 14, 2011

What Kind of Motorcycle Gear Would God Wear?

One of my blogs receives a lot of hits from people who google "What kind of motorcycle does God ride?". So I decided to cash in on this success (not literally, as I have not monetized my blog), by doing a follow-up. This time, the question is "What Kind of Motorcycle Gear Would God Wear?" By the way, "The Lost Motorcyclist" is the original author of this blog, and all those other commercial websites you found on Google with the exact same article about God's motorcycle, are copying my blog without permission.

I think it would be best to start at the top, with the helmet. As they say, if you have a ten dollar head, get a ten dollar helmet. With God's head, it would be impossible to find a helmet to match the cost, which would be well into the trillions I expect. But given that it is impossible to damage God's brain in an accident, you could make do with a plastic beanie, and not even worry about the DOT approval - just make sure to put the sticker on in case God gets stopped by the police. Of course, He could get out of jail easily, but God doesn't want any hassles from the fuzz.

Next is the question of the jacket. Hi-vis textile? Black leather Hell's Angels type jacket? The answer is simple. God does not need high visibility reflective colours as His glowing halo is visible enough from miles away. Also, we know intuitively that God is not a wimp, and so He would wear a real hard core 1%er black leather jacket. Hard core motorcycle jackets have "Gun pockets", where God could conceal his piece. But many motorcycle jackets have wimpy gun pockets that can only conceal a small Glock. God's gun pocket should be big enough for an Uzzi. With another smaller pocket for a back-up Glock. Not that God needs the protection of a gun, but some people just listen better when a loaded gun is pointed at them.

To complete the outfit, God would need a rebel do-rag, alligator skin cowboy boots, fingerless gloves, t-shirt saying "My Dad created the universe and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt", and American made blue jeans. I'm not sure about the underwear, so I'm going to leave that part up to God.

ANSWERS TO MY LAST BLOG ABOUT GOD'S MOTORCYCLE. To keep it brief, I pictured God riding a Dodge Tomahawk V-10 motorcycle. To answer some objections, yes, God can easily pick up a 1,500 lb motorcycle if it drops. And even though the tank only holds 3 gallons (smallish American gallons), I guarantee God will not be the one to hold up your group ride because he needs gas - God's gas is renewable! And, finally, how many time must I repeat it? Yes, God is OK with me writing blogs about Him. God loves humour, that's why He told me the Canucks would win the Stanley Cup last year.


  1. You write, 'By the way, "The Lost Motorcyclist" is the original author of this blog, and all those other commercial websites you found on Google with the exact same article about God's motorcycle, are copying my blog without permission.'

    Yes - I was appalled this morning when I set out to verify that statement: 7,360 hits on the quoted string, "What kind of motorcycle does God ride?"

    And, sure enough, most of the few I bothered to look at were scraper sites.

    The spam never ends, does it? :-(

  2. Ouch! Aggressive spam filters ... my comment did not last long enough for me to go back and check it ... LOL!

  3. Great post...but a couple of comments...

    First, while all sides in all wars claim God to be on their side, God don't back no loser---so I am thinking no to the rebel do-rag, but yes God does love the south and the south loves God-so perhaps a Jack Daniels instead

    as for underwear, gotta think God rides commando...after all sinc He is perfect and immaculate, really no need is there??

  4. He is perfect of course, but that means anatomically correct, or how could we be made in His image? So to answer your question, yes, technically it is blasphemy to say God rides commando, unless you have a very special relationship with him, which I'm guessing you don't.

  5. Hmmm...begs the question why do we wear underwear?

    To cover our "junk"?
    To absorb excess "fluid"?
    For warmth?

    I didn't mean to imply He doesn't have the proper equipment--and since He is God, probably quite well equipped....jsut saying He doesn't need it for reasons 2 and 3---and He has got His jeans on for reason 1...and of course be all knowing, all powerful, omnipotent..He certainly would not forget to zip up!!!

    Thus--I stand by my belief he goes commando

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  7. Haha, wow I've never thought about what type gear God would wear.

  8. i have no comment About the question that "What Kind of Motorcycle Gear Would God Wear?" but little to say that why the God wear that? He is God not a Rider..
    akito desert motorcycle jacket

  9. An American rider and avid flat-track/road racing fan dies and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He is taken to a meticulously groomed flat track where a rider in immaculate yellow and black leathers is flawlessly carving the cushion. The rider exclaims, "I didn't know Kenny Roberts is dead!"

    St. Peter replies, "He's not, that's God, he just thinks He's Kenny Roberts."