Motorcycling: Advice for Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt has a collection of nice motorcycles, and was out riding a few weeks ago, and had a little accident. According to various sources on the internet, Brad was being hounded by paparazzi, then tried to squeeze his bike between two cars and hit his handlebar on one then fell down and broke his favourite bike. He was scared that Angelina Jolie (his wife) would find out because she thinks they are too dangerous. Now he's in Japan for some reason, still being hounded by paparazzi, and while he's there, he's looking for a replacement bike. I guess he broke something on his favourite bike, because it didn't look too damaged to me in this video.

Brad likes riding bikes because as he says, when he's on his bike, "he's just another asshole on a motorcycle" instead of a celebrity. Hold on just a minute Brad, I'm just another asshole on a motorcycle too. Except that I'm not married to Angelina Jolie, I never dumped Jennifer Aniston, I don't have paparazzi following me while I'm riding and I don't have millions of dollars to buy another bike if I drop one. But one thing I do have tons of, which I dispense freely, is advice. So hear me out.

If you are afraid that Angelina is going to ream you out about falling down on your motorcycle, you have several options. I'm guessing it's too late for you to go crawling back to Jennifer Aniston. She's a girl who would not only approve of you riding a bike, but she would ride on the back with you. So let's say you're stuck with Angelina. You could try to convince her motorcycles are not dangerous.

Incidentally, it would help, if on your next bike purchase, you do not get a "suicide clutch". Modern production motorbikes have neat safety features like non-suicide clutches.

But even with a decent clutch, this PR campaign is going to be very difficult if she thinks that everybody rides a motorcycle like she did in Tomb Raider. You don't drive like that, I hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6Cyth4L8Pw&NR=1 (at 2:57 and 3:58)

One thing I just don't get, how could Angelina have become such a wimp since she was Lara Croft? I could have married her just for that movie alone, but I guess when you actually marry her you find out that she was never Lara Croft in the first place, and she is some total other personality who is scared of motorcycles. So that's why Hollywood marriages don't last.

Another tactic you could try is this. I was overhearing some guy talking to an employee at a motorcycle shop, and I found out that he had bought a motorcycle from them, but left the bike at the shop for safekeeping and so that his wife would never find out that he had bought a bike. It just might work, especially if the shop could take care of the registration and the insurance bills, and act like they were just renting it to you. Anyway, food for thought, Brad.

The next bit of advice is on selecting a new bike. You're right in thinking that some of the best custom bike builders on Earth are Japanese. I was just looking up Chicara Nagata. His bikes sell for nice round number, one million dollars each, that way you don't need to mess with the spare change.

http://www.ridelust.com/japanese-steampunk-motorcycles-for-millionaires/
http://www.hot-dock.co.jp/title1.htm
http://zero-eng.com/

Anyhow, any of the above would do nicely. But here's another idea that might kill two birds with one stone. Get a Suzuki Burgman 400. It has no suicide clutch, it's automatic. It's perfect for zipping around town and escaping paparazzi, in fact I've never had one get within a mile of me on the Burgman. Secondly, you might be able to persuade Angelina that it is safe. After all, it's just a scooter! Just don't mention the top speed of 140 kph.